Dear friends,

What's a web log for, I sometimes wonder when I sit here worrying and musing. I *have* one, so why not use it?
OK, so here I go: I'm a little worried.
I have had an MRI and X-rays last week and a thorough check up a month ago. I have severe back problems that cause a lot of pain and that prevent me from sitting up, standing, and walking for reasonable periods of time. So even though I try to move as much as possible, I lie down flat on my back for most of the day. Some disks in my spine have collapsed and are stuck together pinching the nerves in the process. It’s due to a car accident that I had when I was 12 where I –amongst other- broke a leg that was healed properly but remained shorter than the other leg. It has contributed to these back problems, even though I remember having had the back pain since the accident, but never paid attention to it, as my other injuries were asking attention.
I have to admit that the whole procedure, the accident, the surgeries, the loss of my grandfather (who drove the car) and my younger brother’s brain injury has had a traumatic –and over the past years a dramatic-  effect on my life and that of my family up until today. I have written about this on my website on the web page:
A Season of Sad Change.

Anyway, I lived a good life, adapted to my physical discomforts, went to school, studied, graduated, travelled abroad, and worked as if my life depended on it. Until 8 years ago it was finished. My back said: No more. I tried to keep on working and had lots of physiotherapy  and excercised every day, but that did not help. Nine months later the doctor said from one day to the other: No more moving around until we know what’s really wrong. I had to lie flat on my back from that day -to see if that would stop the agonizing pain and improve my situation.
The GP thought it was a hernia, but the MRI taken in 2000 showed it was more and different and inoperable.
But since we moved in December 2003, and since I have another physiotherapist and –of course- a different neurologist, the whole circus started again: Check ups, X-rays; the works. The objective is to see if there is anything that can be done, still, to ease the pain and to see if they can improve my mobility.
The neurologist said -when he examined me- that if surgery would be an option at all, it would be major and not without risk and we should really consider if it would be worth it.
So for the last 6 weeks I have been swaying between hope and fear.

Tomorrow is the ‘outcome’ – I will get the results and will see the neurologist.
If you read this, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers and send positive thoughts so I can go there with a clear head and as calm as I possibly can be…

Thank you all for listening!
Karin